Younger Men

A couple years ago I was recommended a book, The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas, this book was to help me stop looking for my one soul mate but look for the person who has the same vales as me, the one who has similar desires and ambitions. At the end of each chapter there are study questions to really solidify what I’ve just read and to help me better understand what it is that I want in a partner. As silly as this may sound I had myself convinced that the reason I have not met my life partner yet was because I was avoiding finishing the book. I decided it was time, I need to get back out there, its been awhile since my speed dating event and that didn’t end as I have hoped. Before I could start dating again I told myself I HAD TO finish that book – I only had 7 chapters left, I can do this. FINALLY, I finished that book after 2 years of reading it. Why did it take me 2 years? A couple of reasons, some of the content was hard to face or I needed time to think about and the other reason is life got in the way. Now I am free to start swiping again.

Growing up we all have an idea of the perfect husband, I remember going on a retreat with my youth group and we had to write down what we wanted in our future partner and begin praying over that list. Unfortunately, I can’t find that list (I’m sure I threw it out after a bad breakup, you know with my high school love who I just KNEW I was going to marry, silly girl). If I had to guess I would say that some of the things I wrote on that list included: A Godly man, taller and older than me, fit, financially stable, a college graduate – you know all the things. As I’ve gotten older I’ve discovered that some of those things are absolutely requirements but the others I need to erase from my list. One of my ‘requirements’ that I am having trouble getting past is someone younger than me. At some point in my life I decided that I WILL NOT date anyone younger than me, if your birthday is June 6th, 1989 – forget it. We could be destine to be together but I will immediately friend zone you as soon as I find out your age. I bet your reading this thinking Meghan, what is your problem?! Well, I agree. I can remember in high school being best friends with a guy who was younger than me (BY 6 MONTHS), multiple times he would mention how we should date and I wouldn’t even give him the time of day. TERRIBLE. There was a time in my life where I broke my own rule and briefly dated a younger man, turns out we were not made for a relationship just drunken flirting! haha

Now that I am 30, I’ve decided to change my ways – did I decide to tweak my "criteria" as it hasn't really been working for me so far. (I'd like to completely blame it on the fact that I just celebrated a major birthday and I am starting to panic, but I'm not completely sure it had something to do with it. Before my age range on my dating apps were my age +7, I felt like that was a good range, know I can't deal with younger immature boys but also don't want someone who is closer to my parents age than me! Doesn't sound that bad, right?!

Shortly after my birthday I noticed that my age range didn’t update on my apps, so it now includes 29 yr olds…EEEK. Might seem like a minute thing to you, but it was very challenging (I really struggled) – this was me shifting something that I’ve been living by for the last 15 years. I decided to leave it.

A couple weeks ago the roomie and I were talking and she was questioning/challenging me about my dating life – I’ve mentioned this before but online dating is hard, it is so easy to have a snap judgement on a person just by the pictures and their brief bio. I mean I guess that is what online dating is…a snap judgement, but I dislike it. I would rather meet someone out in the world, it helps me out as I have to get to know a person before I find out their age! I digress. As we continued to discuss my stale dating life, Louisa slapped me with the hard truth, “you are too uptight”. Yep, she was right. I overthink the hell out of things and am so judgmental that I shut things down before I’ve even given them a chance. How am I ever going to find my partner if I am looking for the one who does everything right!? No one is perfect, Meghan, no one – I can’t expect to find a perfect person as I am NOT a perfect person. Get over yourself.

I signed up for a 3 month subscription to Match, within 2 weeks I cancelled my subscription so it wouldn’t automatically renew (what, its expensive and not a subscription I want to forget about). That could mean things were going great and I’d met my man, but that is NOT how this story ends. Match was "matching" me with men who say they were 33 but their picture are of men who were probably 68 with long white hair rocking a tank top…ICK. According to Match we were 89% compatible, I was over Match. (I also know that Match only makes connections/recommendations based on the data entered). If those 68yr old men pretending to be 33 are all the men that are out there, I am doomed. I am going to be single for life, so I’d better start embracing it now!

Also, there is a dating apps called, Hinge – really I think all these apps do the same thing but you know Hinge is FREE (good or bad, it's free). Bumble is another dating app that I’ve dabbled with and on Bumble the women are required to speak first to open up the chat. I matched with 2 fellas on Hinge, Matt and Nick - both seemed to be interesting and worth going on a date with. If you are on dating apps you can relate, but messaging via a dating app is terrible. I’d much rather just give out my number and go from there – so that is what I did. I slid my number into the conversation and don’t you know that I did not hear from those fellas for 2 days!! Rude. So, after some convincing from friends I sent another message, “Did I scare you off?" – both immediately replied with some lame excuse… “No, no, I’ve just been really busy”. Blah. Blah. Blah. Moving on. One thing I’ve learned about online dating is that you can’t get hung up on the small things, they don’t respond -- move on, they don’t like you – forget about them, keep swiping!

Ding, I’ve got a “like” on Match and he is YOUNGER than me, yep, that’s me freaking out. I looked at all his pictures and read his profile and now it was time to make the decision, was I going to like someone younger than me?! Before I could even think about it I hit like. Woohoo, go me! While I’m reassuring myself, I get a message. AHHHH, he messaged me. We messaged back and forth for a while, talked about what we like to do for fun, how I want to go sky diving, by the end of the day he asked for my number. (Is it just me or does that not happen as much anymore?!) Just a quick note to the guys, if you like her ask her for her number – she is waiting and will give it to you. Shortly after giving him my digits, my watch buzzes, he messaged me. I was in the middle of meeting with my small group when I got the message so I decided to hold off on messaging him back until after our meeting.

One thing I neglected to mention is that while I also have this weird issue with people younger than me I have also been very particular when it comes to misspelled words. Once we begin to build a relationship and messages are misspelled, I’m okay with it. But in the beginning I am very particular – the quickest way to get me to stop talking to you is to send the letter 'u' instead of spelling out the whole 3 letter word. 3 LETTERS, come on now. Keep this in mind as you continue to read. Hugh, my younger man, is the fella who is awaiting a response! Our text conversation went something like this:

• Hugh: Hey hey, it’s Hugh from Match, what are you up to?

• Me: Hi High, I just finished up small group. What about you?

15 minutes go by and I haven’t heard back so of course I go back and read the message again… HORRIFIED I see that I misspelled his NAME. UGH, who does that. So, in a panic I send another message

• Me: Ahh, stupid text. I know you name, HUGH. (insert slapping face emoji here)

Notice anything wrong with that message… yep, you guessed it. That should read YOUR not you. I could just kick myself. So now I am faced with a dilemma, Do I text him a 3rdtime and highlight the misspelled word? If so, what do I say?! I had no words. I thought about just deleting the message all together as I 100% do not expect him to message me back. Hell, if the roles were reversed I don’t know that I would have messaged him back. I continued to weigh the options on what to do and I decided the best option was to send YOUR* with no other explanation. Meanwhile, I put myself in texting timeout. I was no longer allowed to send messages to ANYONE until tomorrow.

By the time I got to work the next morning, I still have not received a text message. As much as I don’t want to admit it, my heart was just a little broken. How could I be such an idiot, it’s okay to take time to read your messages before you send them, Meghan. At work my friend asked me if I had received a message from him – I replied nope, sure have not and with that I decided to write him off. I knew I was never going to message him again, what little hope I had, is now lost.

Around 10am my watch buzzed, a number I didn’t recognize, my heart sank. “He can’t possibly want to talk to me after last nights disaster.” Sure enough, he replies “It’s okay, sorry I fell asleep. How’s your day going so far?” What! My crazy lady messages were no big deal to him, here I thought he wasn’t replying because of my misspelled words and really he just fell asleep. The mind is so powerful it can make you believe anything.

It was at this very moment that I could feel a change in my heart and my up-tightness towards online dating. I needed to relax, a misspelled word is not a good reason to write someone off and neither is someone’s age. I write all of this to share with you the transformations that are happening within me. Are there things that maybe you worry too much about or certain areas where you always over analyze? Write them down - let's try to rid ourselves of these nasty habits.

If you'd like to see how this story ends -- Read about the Chip monster!